I realize the things I love and have been a constant in my life are things that I do without pressure. There’s no pressure for me to read. My parent’s discouraged reading anything but text books when I was young. They thought novels were no better for me than tv. The way they would say the word “novel” in chinese made it sound like a dirty word.
“Stop reading those novels of yours, and go study.” Reading was not a productive thing in their eyes. And because of it, there was never any pressure to read. So I read. My reading habits ebb and flow. I have years where I’ve finished more than a hundred books, and I’ve had years where I couldn’t even finish one. But what makes me come back to reading is is the lack of pressure or expectation. No doing it well vs. doing it poorly judgements. If I’m not in a mood to read, I don’t read. There is no guilt associated with it.
I hope to take my experience with reading to other parts of my life. There are many things that I do that often don’t hold joy for me because I’m so judgemental of my performance. What I need to remember is that, it doesn’t matter how I do. If I love it, I will do it, and if I don’t, I should stop. It doesn’t matter if I’m a fast learner, or I can’t get something right, or I’m learning better or worse than someone else. All that matters is that I enjoy what I’m doing. Enjoy the moment without evaluation. I hope this is the lesson I can take this weekend as I prepare to snowboard.